Just another lesson (or two or three or four, and then I could get going for real, perhaps still needing a mentor for wider issues, but I could at least do creative writing, properly. Case in point. Someone thinks I'm wrong to use rhymes instead of assonances (or, as the song writing professor mentioned, they are also called "vowel rhymes"). At least if the suggestion I saw reflects someone's act or prayer.
The Mistake All Beginner Songwriters Make (and how to avoid it!)
How To Write Songs, 16 April 2023
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xupdu3-7pc8
I spent the listening or watching with subtitles of the video disagreeing on a lot. Not that vowel rhymes are good, they are, but that vowel rhymes are better than classic perfect rhymes. Here are my disagreeing comments.
1:53 A k a "rhyme is actually assonance, consonants don't exist" ...
2:30 Of great lyric writing.
I don't doubt that Gaelic four line stanzas with four vowels "rhyming" (assonance sense) at the end, and each line having additional internal assonances are great lyric writing.
I do however insist, most Western poetry since the Middle Ages have been using full rhymes, in the case of Latin, perhaps just the two ending syllables of each word, even if stressed third syllable from end.
ca-RITAS, ve-RITAS, trin-ITAS would for instance rhyme.
4:51 From the man who taught me to appreciate rock'n'roll:
I know that you've been told
It's not fair to tease
So if you come on cold
I'm really gonna freeze
Perfect rhymes. Crossed in an ABAB pattern.
One of his hits involved starting with a stanza from a Tchurman Sonk.
Denk du nett wenn i ne andre seh
No sei mei Liab vorbei
Sind auch drauß, sind auch drauß
Der Mädele viel, Mädele viel
Lieber Schatz, i bleib dir treu!
In standard German, EI and EU don't rhyme, but there are dialects where EU is pronounced like EI.
4:51 bis
The probably greatest English poet of the XXth C. in one of his most singable moments, rhymes eight lines on the words:
on, began, gone, can, feet, way, meet, say.
5:56 "something that you don't really mean or never wanted to say in the first place"
Being insincere for a rhyme is obviously bad.
But adding things one says because of the search for a rhyme isn't.
8:13 Why skip Fahrenheit?*
It's the second half of a cold, cold night
It's only thirty Fahrenheit
The wind makes sure the cold will bite
The sleeping bag is torn.
How warm it was just yesterday
With sunshine and a cup of tay
But good things are not made to stay
For men since Adam born!
I resumed hearing at about 5:56, after posting nine minutes ago.
I stopped at 8:13 and posted the full text two minutes ago.
7 min - 2:17 = 4:43 minutes to write it.
I obviously made the Irish pronunciation of tea, for the rhyme, and spelled it out as "tay" for clarity, but, for one thing, I respect that pronunciation ("Oh whiskey, you're the devil, you're spunkier than tay" - "Where thou, great Anna, whom three realms obey / dost sometimes council take - and sometimes tea") and for another, it's the only concession I made to rhymes.
* I have now completed the song, next day:
En lengua romance en Antimodernism y de mis caminaciones : Urban Camper
https://enfrancaissurantimodernism.blogspot.com/2023/05/urban-camper.html
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